So I update this almost every single day for you
I begin to hate you for your face and not just the things you do
Go tell him how my wrist is sore
from pulling at your insides all night
Nothing that you do is new to anything or anyone but you
Contact Me
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Sunday, February 08, 2004
'its guys like you that make me think im better off alone'
unes: Brand new 'last chance to lose your keys'
mood: tired
day: long
drivers ed. sucks my ass.
im talking to Bryce on the tele a mo phone. my journal isnt emo bryce, shut the hell up. and get ready, we goin fishin. I wish i went skiing with Lindsey and them. oh well.
garrett was yelling 'he wants to get in your pants' on the nextel while i was in sagebrush. and he thinks my mom is hott. bahahahaha. kidding kids.
i have a dying affection for Garrett Opeschuck. and i admit it.
Posted at 09:15 pm by Emmalee
Friday, February 06, 2004
'Love was once a part, but now it's disappeared'
tunes: Lostprophets 'last train home'
mood: tired
day: long
To every broken heart in here
Love was once a part, but now it's disappeared
She told me that it's all part of the choices that your make
Even when you think you're right
You have to give to take
But there's still tomorrow
Forget the sorrow
And I can be on the last train home
Watch it pass the day
As it fades away
No more time to care
No more time, today
But we sing
If we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason
To ever fall in love
I wonder if you're listening
Picking up on the signals
Sent back from within
Sometimes it feels like I don't really know whats going on
Time and time again it seems like everything is wrong in here
Last Train Home *Lostprophets
oh shit i love that song.
i hate 12 year old fuck tards who like to instant message you and be annoying and warn you. grow the fuck up. seriously.
i have drivers ed tomarrow. 8-2. god help, 7 hours. oh well.
<33 Happy fucking valentines day....Once again, I'll speand it alone..who gives a fuck
Posted at 09:30 pm by Emmalee
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
'i am what all the other girls promised.'
tunes: brand new 'quiet things that no one ever knows'
mood: what do u think
day: shit hole
want an update. here
im the same as i have been last time i wrote. shitty. everything is shitty. and im starting not to care anymore.
friends come and go, yeah i can see. Rob, best friend ever...what now? doesnt talk to me anymore. surprise surprise. yeah i kno hes busy with work and all, but ifigured if he made time to talk to Weener everynight, then i could somehow fit in there. guess not.
yesterday (tuesday) i got left at school by someone who SAID theyd bring me home. oh well who cares about emily anyways?....then i went to Ryans, and hung out with Garrett, Jamie, and Jen. Jens their new drummer now. didnt hear a 'thanks emily for bringing Jen' once last night. whatever.
Travis brought me home, and burnt me the Deja Entendu cd. great cd kids. thanks trav. yer a pal.
happy now....now that you know how shitty it is feeling like i do. i hate telling you all how i feel, this is for me more then for you. i don't want your fucking pitty.
what's the use in hoping
when you always get let down
what's the use in smiling
when all you wanna do is frown
i'm drowning, in a sea of hate-filled eyes
Posted at 05:46 pm by Emmalee
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
im not listening to any music. can u believe it?
anyways. this shnow shit has cause me and perdue to be kept in the same house for over 3 days. its quite intresting. my mom made the point to 'quickly lock the door' when perdue steped outside. shes going crazy with us both here.
sunday-perdue came over and we went to Smitys but she wasnt there.
Monday-atempted to go to wal-mart but didnt make it far.....then went to ride with TRAVIS and CASEY. went to casey's, broke his futon, broke his bed, and locked them in a closet. and caught random things like Travis's fro. bahaha. then busted our ass's while going down stiars on the front pourch on a golf cart roof. then stayed up till 5 talking to Travis. wow whata day
Tuesday- perdue broke my button on my computer, so i had to wake up at 10-30 to help her fix it.
Posted at 11:04 am by Emmalee
Saturday, January 24, 2004
is there anything worth living for?'
tunes: tbs "the blue channel'
mood: okay
day: okay
look.
emily i know exactly how you feel. i know when i say that you probaby think 'pfft,' but it's true. you just want someone to pick you out of a crowd and to want to be with you for a change. you start to think that maybe you could get their attention if you died, that maybe then they'd love you for a change. the feeling of solitude won't dissapear no matter how many new friends/boyfriends you meet. you could be loved by a thousand hearts and still think 'oh please just one more, then i'll be complete.' i've known lonely people with hundreds of friends, and content people with two. you have to realize--we all do--that loneliness has nothing to do with other people, but rather more to do with yourself and what you make out of social situations; it's all psychological." ----SMITTY
do you see that?? the comment Smitty made, is EXACTLY how i feel. i cant explain it better. finally i found one person who understand. finally.
'you could be loved by a thousand hearts and still think 'oh please just one more, then i'll be complete'
exactly. exactly. exactly. oh my god, i dont know why im so happy that SOMEONE understands. exactly...thats all i can say.
Posted at 10:08 pm by Emmalee
Friday, January 23, 2004
'Take this broken heart and make it right'
tunes: Matchbook Romance 'My eyes burn'
mood: sad or mad, take ur pick
day: shit.
im listening to Matchbook Romance right now at school. i feel so alone. this sucks badly. dont ask what it is, i just have this feeling of sadness all the time. i dont know how to make it better or go away.
i sit here and read other peoples journals. they make me sick. they all have this GREAT WONDERFUL person whom they love so much. they have everything that i want. i dont get it, why cant it be me that has that one special person. why.
seems as something good comes along, then it gets fucked up. always. ive never felt so alone in my whole life. psh life, what is it to me anymore anyways. nothing, nothing at all.
will it ever be anything after this?
..Their keeping us apart...
all i ever wanted was you.
love me. someone. anyone.
Posted at 11:51 am by Emmalee
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
'i dont remember what you said to me that night'
tunes: tbs "cute without an E"...acoustic(my favorite)
mood: sad
day: just another day
This world is full of too much hate. seriously, why are people SO mean to each other?...its like people search for something to hate in you. and they always seem to find it in me.
now dont get mad for me writing this, im not bashing on you, im telling how i feel. and i will list names.
Ryan, i felt as if i have been rude or ignoring you for a while now, so i thought itd be nice if i apologized to you for my poor actions. and i did so, and needless to say you were an ASS about it. ayou had to say 'yeah i kno u have' and 'ill forgive but never forget'..wtf...i could have been mean and not apologized, but i was nice and did, and its like u didnt appreciate it. i kno that u said that u had been the same way, but im sorry least i wasnt an ass about it. im so fucking sorry for everything, good god. but i get sick of you talking about ur damn band and everything. i dont want to hear about it every 5 minutes. and yet again, at matts you didnt have much to say to me, and its not like u EVER do, now is it.
Perdue. what can i say. we dont see each other much anymore cause of class changes and whatnot, but i figured we would talkmore then what we do. i guess not. today u made the comment 'hey i havent seen u all day.' bull shit u said something to me this morning. no offense but i feel as if i have been replaced with Smitty or something. we never see each other or hang out anymore. and when u ask to hang out u want a ride somewhere. im sorry but that hurts. im not down with those kinds of things. prehaps its the jelous thing we have discussed before. probaly is. i mean i look up to you with everything u do, your smart, you play sports, you have plenty of friends, and the best boyfriend ever. whats NOT to be jelous of. im not afraid to say im jelous of you, cause thats how i feel. but i wish you could make time for me. i wish it was back to old times.
Jesse. hmm the thought of you makes me so happy, u just dont get it. sometimes i feel as if im in your way or annoying you. im sorry if i do. seems we havent talked AS much as we normally do. prehaps your starting to see how i act or how i am. im aware i complain alot, sometimes I cant help it. i kno your not into that kind of shit. but you seem so happy all the time. i wish i were more like you. you never let things get to you, or not much bothers you, you always look at the good side of things. your such a great guy, that doesnt deserve me. ill leave it at that. Emma. thank you. sometimes a talk with you is all i need to make me realize im not the only person in this world that suffers. i wish you werent so sad, but i can always talk to you about whatever i need to talk about. we seem to realte on everything which is weird. thank you. and i wish u much luck with anyone and anything, lol
I’m sorry to all of you who might have taken this offensely, but this is how i feel. get over it
'i could drop off the face of the earth, and no one would care.'
^Exactly how i feel.
Posted at 05:38 pm by Emmalee
Sunday, January 18, 2004
'remind me not to ever act this way again'
Tunes: Futher Seems Forever "Vengance Factor"
mood: tired
day: crappy
Well Matts was really fun. TKD did really good, i wish they would have had more songs to play, then A.S.S played, they are always good, i love them so much...then The new unknown did pretty good, and then the stickables were awesome(as usual) and Fallview was greaattt....props to all those guys. and happy 16th matt!!!!!
well i saw Jesse, finally. it sucked, he didnt talk to me at all, but thats okay..i kno he had things to do and whatnot....i was kinda upset though, oh well who cares....
I did Rob's hair before the show, it was great haha....and Wilkes was hella funny when he had his WANNA be penis hanging out...mwahaha........Emma and her boyfriend were there, their so cute together, and shes really nice. and I pushed Dave in the pit...poor kid got his lip busted, it was gross....then steve came in with a busted lip also. it was pretty funny...i took about 150 pictures, and soon im going to post them on my picture trail thingie. i herd we raised about 200$ for 'Hope's Wish'...that rocks.
peace out kids.
Posted at 07:05 pm by Emmalee
Friday, January 16, 2004
' this is another song to make you cry, buried by your best friends in the middle of the night'
Tunes: Oasis "Wonderwall"
Mood: good, actually
Day: short and okay.
Goodness, im so excited about tomarrow, i dont know why. Probaly cause im gonna see JESSE!!! and Its going to be fun as hell. Dave is going too, which makes it cool cause hes never been to a party before, poor kid. haha
Today we played some GAY team and every player was LARGE and INCHARGE....seriously, they were all like 300 pounds. anyways, i went for a rebound and then got nailed in the eye by some girls elbow, i got really pissed off and hit her. I sat out the whole 3 quarter(argg), and needless to say its nice and black now, woo hoo go me.
anyways, my Mom AND Dad came to the game, and they actually sat together, i was so happy. Nothing could have made me happier. all i remember is looking up there and seeing them together, and all the momories of a long time ago came back. I would give anything to fix the way it is now. anything. It was like i had a family again, everything was okay when i saw them.
i finished reading a book *2 thumbs up for Emily*
Jeese's version of "smoke 2 joints" by sublime....hahaha
i smoke 2 blunts in the mornin i smoke blunts at night, i smoke 2 blunts in the afternoon, it makes me feel alright..
Posted at 11:07 pm by Emmalee
Thursday, January 15, 2004
'we don't want to be waiting for something thats not there'
Tunes: Finch 'What it is to burn'
Mood: sicckkk
Day: not finsished yet.
Okay im home and its 10:34. my moms making me go back at 11, what a biotch. i feel really shitty. gosh. My cousins says stay home and pretend i went back. My Moms a nazi, she WILL track me down. its a risk im NOT willing to take. mwahaha.
anyways
Jesse wrote this whole thing in his journal on how hes mad at the person who said that stuff, well i think thats its perfectly fine what they said, cause they were just giving me a heads up on what i need/wanted to know. and thats good to me, cause i kinda get to kno Jesse from other peoples views. yeah anyways, theres nothing we can say or do about it. and i WAS very sad about it, but its okay now. I overracted, which is normal for me, but sorry if i made u feel bad Jesse!!...dont be sad or mad. Everythings gonna be alright. and im excited for matts..only 2 more days! yay....love u Jesse
Perdue is sick also. and i didnt hit on her boyfriend. thank you very much.
okay i have to go back to school now so i can go on my field trip. woot woot. grunt grunt. yeah whatever. madness.
mucho love you nice UNsick little kids. <3 Emily.
also: i hope i feel okay to go to Matts.
Posted at 10:40 am by Emmalee
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